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Nobody likes complaints — hardly anybody would dispute that. In some relationships, they are extremely frequent, which can make them stressful for both parties. It gets worse if every complain is directed to one of them. Many people (men?) claim that us women are the ones doing the complaining most of the time.
That’s why I decided to pose the following questions: why do men have such difficulty dealing with complaints? And why do women complain more than men? Here’s my female perspective on the matter:
A complaint is a way of expressing dissatisfaction. Yeah, sometimes you just want to get it off your chest. However, behind almost every complaint lies the desire to change or obtain something. In other words, the purpose of the complaint is to get someone to do something for us.
Note that we often do not say directly what we want: we try to manipulate the other person into doing what we want.
Unfortunately, many of us were taught that asking for something directly is impolite, a form of entitlement, and therefore a reproachable behavior. Nevertheless, we are interdependent beings: we are not able to survive, especially in childhood, without someone’s help to meet our needs. So, if asking directly is reprimanded, we have to manipulate to get what we need.
In short: complaining is, for many women, the only socially acceptable way to express dissatisfaction and, at the same time, ask for change. Because it is indirect, it confuses men a lot.
Do you remember what your relationship was like in the beginning? You guys were in love. Every little thing or gesture was enough. She was his main focus and vice versa. Each one made an effort to show their best side, to get the other’s attention and seduce their significant other.
Over time, the relationship ceased to be a bed of roses. What happened? Simple: the couple started to take each other for granted. She stopped being the main focus of his life and gradually became as important to him as his work and friends, meaning he stopped allocating as much time for her as before. Consequently, he stopped trying to make her happy all the time with each little gesture.
“But that’s how relationships are.” Oh, shut up. We women refuse to accept this kind of conformist nonsense! When we come across a man who listens to us, pampers us, pretty much worships us, we don’t think he’s acting like that just because he wants to win us over, but because we think he’s different.
Related article: 10 passion-killers to avoid
If the dynamic I just described is the case, the woman in the relationship has many valid reasons to complain. She’s been fooled! The guy pretended to be a different person just to win her over! But relax, the relationship does not have to end here.
Find the solution in the second part of this article.