Daddy Issues: Do All Sugar Babies Have It? What Are the Signs?
Have you ever been accused of having daddy issues or worried about having them? In this article, we’ll explain what daddy issues are, how to recognize if you or someone you know has them and what you can do about it!
What are “daddy issues”, after all?
Daddy issues isn’t an official medical term or a recognized disorder. It is often used informally to refer to women who gravitate towards older men and/or have a very agitated love life. Not being a scientific term, some people use it loosely, sometimes even to belittle women’s needs and struggles.
From a psychological standpoint, daddy issues are strongly related to attachment wounds — distressing or harmful experiences involving one’s caregivers in early childhood. A person who felt ignored, neglected or abused by one or both of their parental figures will have problems creating a secure, stable relationship as an adult. For this reason, what most women with this issue have in common is a difficult relationship with their father growing up; in some cases, he was completely absent.
Related article: HOW TO BECOME AN EMPOWERED SUGAR BABY
What are the signs that a sugar baby has daddy issues?
#1 She seeks relationships with older men for the wrong reasons
Becoming a sugar baby for the fun, lifestyle and attraction to successful men is one thing. Another thing is to do it in an attempt to compensate for the lack of a healthy father figure in the past through an older partner.
Does that apply to you? Think about why you joined the bowl and what you look for in a sugar daddy. Are you looking for a happy, healthy relationship with clear rules or someone who will adore and protect you unconditionally? How would you feel and react if these needs weren’t met by him? Like a sugar baby who is aware of the unique reality of simple, unconventional relationships or like a young girl that is being ignored by her father?
Related article: THE ADVANTAGES OF DATING OLDER MEN
#2 She only wants sex
This happens for two reasons:
1: Her self-esteem is directly related to men desiring her sexually. The more sex she has and the more men desire her, the more she perceives herself to be attractive. Therefore, her sex life directly affects the way she feels about herself.
2: She can’t ever mix sex with love. Of course there’s also sex without romantic interest, but a woman with daddy issues runs for the hills whenever she notices love on the horizon. The reason for it is that she thinks that if she lets love in, she’ll inevitably be hurt, just like she was by her father.
#3 She needs constant reassurance
A woman with daddy issues is inherently insecure. In her head, she’s always comparing herself to all other women in the world. She needs constant reassurance that her partner still likes her and intends to stay in a relationship with her, even when everything is going smoothly.
It must be said that demanding constant compliments and other kinds of reassurance is very tiring. Besides, it screams insecurity, which is off-putting to most people.
#4 She is clingy and jealous
A sugar baby that has daddy issues constantly worries about losing her sugar daddy. She only feels safe when he’s around. Whenever he’s away, she gets anxious and always wants to know what he’s up to. Anything can be interpreted as a sign of danger. Every woman is seen as a threat. She has trust issues. Jealousy ensues. For these reasons, she might want to keep track of him all day long, making him feel suffocated and controlled.
Unfortunately, being excessively afraid of abandonment is a self-fulfilling prophecy: it makes her overly controlling, which makes her partner uncomfortable and ultimately leads to her being abandoned.
#5 She can’t be alone
This is one of the direct consequences of the other characteristics mentioned above. She is insecure and clingy, which makes her want to avoid being alone at any cost. So much so that she would rather stay in an unhealthy relationship than try to be on her own.
#6 She actually had or has many issues with her dad
Maybe he wasn’t in the picture. Maybe he was physically present, yet emotionally absent. Or perhaps he was aggressive and violent to her in many ways. That means she lacked a safe man she could rely on; she might still think that every man is like her father.
Knowing that, it is no surprise that a woman would have trouble creating a long-lasting relationship with a man and would gravitate towards older men, which isn’t a problem by itself. The latter actually makes a lot of sense, since older men are more mature and therefore able to meet her needs in a reliable way. But going through life without the ability to build meaningful relationships is something no one deserves!
What you should know if you identified with some of the signs
If your love life is troubled by the tendencies described above, it’s advisable to seek a therapist. They will help you go through the pain and grief of realizing that you are trying to make up for something you completely deserved but didn’t get: true paternal love.
To help you on this challenging journey, you can also learn about attachment theory (especially what a secure attachment aka a healthy relationship should look like) and about emotional independence. Things will get easier with time!
Having completed this healing journey, you will be more likely to engage in relationships with older men for healthy reasons. Not because you are desperately looking for a father figure, but because you genuinely feel attracted to their maturity.
No one can change the past, but you can always change the future!