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What to do with the pain of rejection

In the world of romance and dating, rejection is an extremely unpleasant yet common feeling. We’ve all been through the pain of breaking up. Sometimes it hurts more, sometimes less. Sometimes it goes fast, sometimes it takes time. And when the wound is fresh, it seems impossible to overcome. However, we all know that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. With that in mind, we’ve prepared some tips to help this torture end faster:

Take rejection as a challenge

A Stanford University study shows that people who see rejection as an opportunity for growth and change can return to feeling better much faster. So if we see rejection as a growth opportunity, it is possible to become stronger and suffer less.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

girl thinking about her last rejection

After the breakup, focus on your mental hygiene. So no giving leash to destructive thoughts, self-criticism and feelings of guilt!

It is normal to feel alone and maybe even abandoned. The pain you feel post-rejection is caused mainly by the negative thoughts that occupy your head. The brain simply reacts to the pain it expects to feel in the catastrophic scenarios it creates on its own. Other thoughts that “hurt” are, for example: “I will never trust anyone again”, “nobody likes me”, “they just want to use me”.

Identify such thoughts and give them a stop, for they do not correspond to the truth! Speak to yourself in the same way that you would speak to a loved one or friend in the same situation. What advice would you give her? I suppose you would show understanding. So be gentle with yourself and don’t judge yourself!

Don’t romanticize the past

Who doesn’t look back and think how everything used to be better… in childhood, last job, with the ex, etc. It’s a perfectly human thing to look back and just remember the positive side of everything! So stay alert! Prefer objectivity. Maybe the perspective of someone close to you will help.

Did this relationship really fulfill your expectations? Or was something missing?

Grieve the rejection

girl grieving rejection

It’s only natural that it takes a while to process the breakup. A little distraction may be necessary, but repressing feelings is one of the worst things you can do.

You’ll miss many things for sure, it’s natural. The hugs, the kisses, the walks together. There is no doubt that it will cause pain. The best way to make that pain go away is by crying, listening to sad songs and, above all, feeling it and expressing it. For the less we resist it, the faster it subsides.

On top of everything else, it’s important to stay away from the person for a certain time. That includes stopping following him/her on social networks and exchanging messages. Distance is necessary for recovery.

Time for your personal rediscovery

girl meditation at beach

It is common for the couple, in a long-term relationship, to begin to become more and more similar and to adopt preferences from each other. The result is that they end up forgetting who they really are.

Therefore, it is important to reconnect with your true self, to go back to activities that you had stopped, and to try new things — besides, this way you avoid meeting your ex in the places that you used to go together. So think about everything you can do again now: visiting old friends, watching series and movies that only you like, etc.

What a great opportunity to reinvent yourself! Embrace your individuality. It is also the best time to empower yourself! Isn’t it time to study or learn something new, play different sports, meet new people? Travelling is also an excellent way to occupy your head with new horizons and start again; it doesn’t have to be far away, it’s enough to be new airs that make you feel renewed on the inside.

Keep the good memories despite the rejection

girl smiling

Many people believe that the end of the relationship is the end of everything. Many want to pretend that their ex-partner doesn’t even exist. Actually, it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you were together for a long time, it means the relationship was good. So keep the good memories instead of denying them! Maybe it’s possible for you to stay friends.

The number of couples breaking up is only growing. Nowadays, with so many dating apps and sites, more people get to know each other, fall in love and break up every day. For this reason, these days people wish for relationships that are more akin to “be eternal while they last” instead of “happily ever after”.


In short, each person deals with rejection in their own way. However, we hope that these tips will help to overcome the pain of the rejection and separation more quickly. And remember: this too shall pass!

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By Daniele Zedda • 18 February

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