Active Listening Will Make You Successful
What do sugar daddies look for besides beauty and youth? Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what you would want in a pretty young woman you spend a lot of time with. I did this exercise and came to a simple, yet somewhat abstract answer: they are after good company. Then I asked myself what makes someone pleasant company and realized that being a good listener makes you extremely likable and pleasant to be around. Here are some mistakes that make us bad listeners and tips on how to become a better listener through active listening today:
Things that make you a bad listener
These are some big mistakes that will make your sugar daddy think you are a bad listener and, therefore, bad company:
- Using your phone during conversation. By doing this, you signal that you aren’t interested in what he has to say and that anyone or anything has priority over him. The only acceptable circumstance for this would be expecting an important call, which you should let him know at the very beginning. Keep your phone in your purse, not on the table.
- Not being interested in what he has to say. Yes, he can notice that in many ways. Maybe you’re constantly checking your phone, looking away, not reacting to what he’s just said, not asking any questions, etc. That makes it obvious that you wish you were somewhere else — or worse: with someone else.
- Interrupting him. Not letting someone finish their sentences or get to their point is very rude.
- Making every conversation about you. This is something I struggled with for a long time. It turns out that continuing every conversation by finding a way in which it relates to you shows your sugar daddy that you don’t care much about him. Yes, you showed that you were listening enough to catch the general topic, but not that you were interested in his experience by simply switching to how you see things. For example:
“… and that’s how I managed to sell my first company for double its value.”
Sugar daddy
“The first company I worked for was so cool! The team really liked me and it was so hard to leave them, but I was obsessed with moving overseas.”
Sugar baby
See what she did there? She didn’t even react to his achievement and moved the focus of the conversation toward her.
- One-upping. This is similar to the previous point. One person tells you about something they did and you (the one-upper) tells them how you did something more remarkable than them. For example: they are happy they’ve just bought their first car and you respond by telling them about your much more expensive car or how you were much younger when you bought your first. That’s one-upping and a clear sign that you are insecure and only listening for possibilities to show off. Here is one of the many good videos about how to stop being a one-upper.
- Being distracted. There are two main causes for this: either you are thinking about your problems or about how you can best reply to what has been just said. Both make you come off as a bad listener.
If we all are guilty of these behaviors, what can we do about them? You can implement these tips on active listening:
What is active listening
Active listening is doing more than just hearing what is being said but listening carefully and responding thoughtfully.
But how do you listen actively?
- By giving non-verbal cues that you are listening, such as by keeping eye contact, smiling, nodding and keeping an open, friendly posture.
- By reacting to what is being said accordingly, such as by displaying sympathy, being happy for the speaker’s achievements, etc.
- By asking questions about what has just been said, such as
- how do you feel about what happened?
- when did you realize it?
- what was your motivation?
- what do you like most about it?
However, it is important not to make it feel like an interview. Make sure to sprinkle some reactions between questions and sometimes also share your perspective without hogging the conversation.
By following these active listening tips, your sugar daddy will feel heard and appreciated and you will be more likely to recall details of the conversation later. You’ll also build trust, know the sugar daddy (as well as his taste, perspective, values, needs and expectations) better and create a feeling of bonding.
Do you know what never fails to make someone feel understood by you? Telling them that you like them in their love language. Here’s how you find out yours and theirs.
Bonus tips:
I’ve learned the following from experience:
#1 Married and recently divorced sugar daddies tend to see in a sugar baby someone who’ll listen to them, empathize with them and validate them. For this reason, refrain from ever judging your sugar daddy or unloading your worries onto him, unless he asks you to.
#2 Conversation might die out at some point or the sugar daddy might be interested in your life too. For this reason, you should always be prepared to reply to the question “how’s your day/week been?” with something pleasant and positive. So, prepare a quick summary with the highlights of your day/week to give your sugar daddy a really good impression of you and create a mental association between pleasure and you.
We wish you lots of fun trying out these tips!
